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| babe in total control of herself |
| 01.31.04 (1:25 am) [edit] |
dengz... how on earth i could only login to my blog yet i can't login the yahoo and icq. damn~ diuz~ hamkaling.. whatever it is. despite my soon to be 21year old girl, i could never stop cussing and swearing.. scolding all vulgar words.. it really pissed me off.. now i start to wonder am i suppose to move to this new house. Well the answer should be NO.. i get smaller room and same old bed, air cond, computer table and PC.. yeah talking abt my pc.. i guess i should really dump it ONE FINE DAY.. it has already worn out.. and i should really replace it with a newer one..which 3 times better than this old lame pc.. okie, this Pc has occupied me for 3 bloody years but so far it didn't give me any big problems.. but i guess nowadays this stupik pc really need to retired for goodness sake.. ehemm.. that also if the cash allow me to do so.. :)
speaking on assignments, well i'm having load of it and i still couldnt find an excuse to get things done altho the due line is approaching. Well still in my CHINESE NEW YEAR mood and birthday mood. I'm expecting lots of parties and late night outings with my buddies and hengtais..
One or two of my ex colleagues called me few days back.. and sent some bloody messages.. yeah, i wonder how on earth those magic words can be spoken so spontaneously and instantly. FARK it... i hate it when some people just happy-go-lucky and blurt out those words, but didnt really mean so. How the heck on earth that someone who just met me or work together with me for couple of days fall for me and said such lovely dovey words.. as easy as ABC. As friendly as i can be, i'll never easy on everyguys i get to know.. They must be thinking i'm the BBB (big bust bimbo) who really into those flirtatious stuffs... Suddenly i just have the urge to give them a slap.. awakening slap.. to remind, or to inform they are not in the right track... hmm in fact im left with 2 options, either to ignore them or to flirt with them and take things easily as a normal friend basis.
I really don't know but obviously i dont wish to being dubbed as a stuck-up girl here. But on the other hand, i couldn't see myself wasting my time flirting with someone who i hardly know.. I'm not a PR after all. So why should i pleasing others instead of pleasing myself?
there was once a friend told me that i'm a girl with will power, personality and charisma.. Well it's flattered though but i guess people like me should be executed! *kidding* but seriously, if i could actually stand outside myself and watch what is happening to myself, or being the silent observer of myself .. i guess i would hate myself even more. I guess, perhaps this is ME but if i ever see girl who possess traits similar like me, i wouldnt like it either. To me, girl who is powerful , intelligent, sharp tongue ( err, do i sound like bragging here?) is a bitch.. BABE IN TOTAL CONTROL of HERSELF .. or can be a real bitch too indeed... :) well, i came across the People magazine and this gorgeous supermodel/actress said, she is a bitch on bed... but can be a warrior at the battlefield. I guess i'll take the point.. yeah, you only need to being a bitch to your husband but not anyone out there.. or else, this is no longer called a bitch but STRAY dogs... so which would be your option? Beauty In Total control of herself (bitch) or stray dog?? yeah.. both are dogs too if i'm not mistaken ...
well, i guess that all folk for today. shall get prepared to go shopping with my buddy in 1 hour time.. well i guess one thing which is quite annoying abt me.. I'm always inpunctual.. which cause all my friends, pals, and entire world waiting for me.. this is real bad habit.. should kick off that attitude.. because i,myself hate to wait for people.. i will be really pissed off if my friends make me wait extra 15minutes.. so i guess i shouldnt treat others like that as much as i dont want others to do the same way on me.. :P but still okie... i need sometime to change ok? people dont change overnight.. so to me~
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| All or Nothing... |
| 01.30.04 (11:00 am) [edit] |
It’s 2am in the morning, yet I’m still very much awake. Perhaps many things came across my mind, which caused my insomnia. Yeah, few more days and I’ll turn to 21st. For goodness sake I’m not young anymore. But well somehow, my friend assure me that I’m still very green and young although I have this feeling ; old and less energetic like I once used to be. Well, few days ago, Kev called. As usual, he thought of patch things up after our great fight. Yep, I must admit that I’m defeated by his stubbornness; in fact I surrendered in the cold war first by wishing him a happy Chinese new year via sms. But I just don’t know why he is such a coward this time? Excuse me. I’m not insulting him or what but just feel unnecessary to ask Des to become the ‘peace maker’ here. I wouldn’t appreciate it as much because this is your matter, shouldn’t third party stop interfering in our ‘business’ but well, okie.. to shorten the whole situation, I finally forgave Kev and we are back as friend.. Well, in fact knowing him has ever since open up my eyes. Errrr.. Perhaps he happens to know more things than I do, but the ego-self of mine will always insist I’m way smarter than him.. but actually I know that he could become a more successful person than I do because of his ‘win-win nature’. He once told me that, a winner is still a winner regardless he/she uses a cunning tactics, and loser is still a loser no matter what. So by all mean, you just have to win, or else defeated by a stronger opponent. As far as I’m respecting his point of life, I could never agree with him. Not that I’m not cunning enough, but if I’ll use improper ways to succeed, where is the pride? Honour? Morale? Humane? .. I guess I just don’t see any similarities with him at this point of view. So what if you’re the winner but never seem to be happier in life? Where are your friends? Love one? And family? you’ll just forfeit one when you choose the path. Sigh~ I guess I sounded like his granny more than a friend. Of all his friends, no one ever dare to argue,debate or scold him, except for me. BUT he mentioned that he will never change himself for anyone.. NOT the irony Ying even.
Drop that so, well, few days back, I’ve thought of many things. Seriously, especially relationship. After pursuing my studies for freaking 14years, I’m no longer a student. I could pursue my own dreams and chase my goals of life. For my entire 21st year, I’ve done things which please my parents but I neglect my own life and dreams. I’ve too many to achieve and I’ll shall start my new life, being what I feel best, in my comfort zone. Well, relationship is another major yet big matter to me. Seriously, I don’t face problems with guys and I never have a hard time finding one. Once there was this guy told me that, in his entire life, college or working place, he never face any difficulties to get any girl he set an eye. Chances are because girls going after him even a model. How true was that , I really couldn’t assure myself but he chased pretty hard just to get a piece of me? not that I have body like Cindy Crawford or Elizabeth Hurley sexy eyes, or Pamela Anderson boobs.. it’s simply because I’m playing hard to get. Believe me, don’t make your life too easy for people, girls~! They might thought you are just another ‘cheap stuff’ … They might just love you in a bliss.
Playing hard to get is never a game .. although it may sound like one. Well, I never play hard for those guys who wanna approach me but I play with those who have the intention to slot in my life. I guess, I should say, who could really slip in my life and walk off after messing up with it. Yes, I’ve been hurt couple of time and it really gives me great excuse never to trust guys so easily regardless they look like Mr Nice Guy Richie Ren.. Don’t get deceive by the decent look. In fact, such people are more dangerous compared to people who look like bad ass rascal. Somehow, as much as I hate the male, I do love them as well and miss them.. (of course I don’t miss every guy, just simply miss those whom missed me too ) lol …J . Yeah, did I just said it? I love them at times but hate them at times. Just depends on my mood. But as much as I love them, I could never give them and secure their future. Say me selfish or self-centered but I want too many things in my life. I have dreams and wanted to go after my goals of life despite my failure rate will be at stake too. But I still believe love is not a will to possess, as long as we love each other, he knows that he deserves a certain position in my heart, have my blessings and feel the same way, it could be very satisfactory for me. yeah, we are talking about feelinggggggggggggg……. and abstract love. Since I’ve singled out for quite sometime, I guess it wont bothers me if I need to single for another couple of years. I guess, life is more flexible when you’re doing things alone and by yourself. You only need to answer to yourself. Yesssssssssssss, and I can be a really ‘typical’ girlfriend in a relation, which show tantrums to my boyfriend, check his lovemails, sms, phone books, and nagging him 24/7. YUCK~ this is another identity or version of mine as a girlfriend. I can be dominant, temperamental bossy and ruthless.. WHO CAN TOLERATE SUCH TRAITS? Please fill in a form.. I see a great potentiality in there. But things took 360degree changes when I’m merely a friend. I know my boundaries, for god sake. That’s why male find me superPERFECT when I’m their normal girl pal but things really ruin when they started to go after me. They just too innocent for that :P I can become real MEAN… I guess I’m not a good lover but I can be a great partner ..
As my sleepiness hit, I guess I’m gonna get a good sleep.. age is catching up and I have to take good care of my health before it’s engine went flat and broke down..Tomorrow shall be a brand new day for me.. Adios and well, sweet dream to me since no one is wishing me at this wee hour.
Sweeeeeeeeeeeet dreamzzzzzz
nite nite. Muax muax.. hugz hugz yinggggggggg :wink:
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| happy chinese new year |
| 01.21.04 (9:00 pm) [edit] |
well to all my frenz, chimuiz, relatives, hengtais, bro, sis, love one, dears, darlings, honey, sweetie.. ALL d chinese in the world.. happy chinese new year..
well what a fine day, yet still like a ordinary day for me.. received couples of angpow.. well .. too bad, my granny insisted she gave me, but the truth is she didnt. well just not to confuse her, i said yes, she did gif.. sigh.. i started to think whether if she really forgotten or juz purposely wanna escape frm giving to me.. just kidding anyway. im not so particular abt it.. esp when it comes to money.. digging old ppl money isn't something honour right? *:)*
well, as usual, pimples and acne started to attack.. :( poor me~ i dun look cute now... or should i say, i never look cute once :P .. hmm.. my 2cuz came down frm ipoh. and stay couple of days here for CNY.. well i guess it must be the aura, how on earth a 3 year old boy couldnt stop but keep sticking with me and give me a really 'wet'...saliva'-yucky' kisses..hmm.. but thanks god. he is a superb CUTE kid, if he looks uncute like me :( .. he should got whacked by almost everyone here because he is a super notty boy.. seeing his cute face and innocent face 'soli lar.......' eventually your heart melt and soften :(.. sigh. altho i made a vow to teach him some lessons but he is good at asking for sympathise.. so i refrained my bloody intention just because of a small lil monster here begging for mercy.. ;) but after a few while, he will back and counter attack you bek... cute right? haha.. i can predict that somehow this gonna be a huge play boy, hmmm if i ever have a daughter, better dun let him go near my dotter.. kakakak... this is ridiculous..
well, nothing much for today, maybe hanging around wit my cousin sister.. well, i could see she has grown taller and bigger whereas im older and shrink.. sigh.. girls rule.. :( old women like me should back off now...
:( well.. CNY, louiz is the one who msg me early in the morning.. well i called her up instead of replying her..i guess is the thought that counts.. she is the my foul words lin sisters.. well she got merit award for 4semesters and yet talk like a rascal.. brilliant rite? i guess she transmitted all her Foul languages to me.. i keep saying vulgar words occasionally.. well... it isnt something good.. i realised many ppl hate me eversince i use vulgar words like hamkaling.. they wanna the original me who look decent, shy, white... and holy.. saint? sigh for god sake, im still the real me where i used to be..... especially those male fren of mine.. got shocked to learn that i scold foul words like em' now.. and even they scolded lots... they wont like me to do the same thing... is that we called as stereotypical thinking? only guys are allowed to scold... well fuck it then?
i do possess hormone too.. Progesterone i mean...
so i do have my masculinity side.. everyone does , just that whether you have exessive hormone or deficit..
well, im well-balanced with my male and female hormone. i can be manly when it comes to protecting my family and naive lil cousin sisters :) ... who dont right?..... hehehe
well, the connection sux, one day i shall take over telekom :P ehehe.. ok i am exaggerating k?
n e way, sign off for now... im sick of here.. gonna play my daytona soon :)
muaksssss all ppl and KONG HEY FATT CHOY ya
regards
ying
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| my Love don't cost a thing~ |
| 01.09.04 (8:09 am) [edit] |
okie, back here... again.. well today getting worst my condition :( altho i've put on the KOOL FEVER.. cooling gel sheet.. but it dont help. i guess it is meant for junior usage... doesnt matter, took 2 panadol.. and guess it might do some help here..
niki is back today.. for GOOD~ well, brought some UK souvenirs for us.. well guess what? she really knows me well, she bought me 2 pair of earings... :) ermm.. although i must say, i dont quite like the first pair, but doesnt matter. is the thought that counts... after all it cost abt pound 4.00 x 6 = RM24++ here.. so i guess it wasn't a cheap one.. hehe~
AD plan nocek start.........DIE lor DIE loh...... jiorrr... sei lor sei lor.. all my grp members already started but left me.. sigh.. well anyway, i have a very good excuses here : SHIFTING house and SICK badly.. self-console i guess.. but damnit...... i have to put in more effort since the due date is round the corner.
Went to interview MR Donass today.. well phewwwwww... nice chap.. and warmth and friendly.. emmm shall intro more kaki go there yumcha since he so helpful :) ... hehehe... wonder if he's single? hehe the answer is yes :p~ *saliva dripping* ...
not really in d mood to talk..... chat.. whatever, perhaps sick and excessive fatigue... prolly some fella keep calling my hp non stop despite i IGNORE his calls.. sigh.. irritating, annoying, disturbing, lame, and ......whatever... just hate some people who are hypocrite and yet trying to be nice with me... what's the intention? ... well , not a bit impress or curious to know but wanna make my own living out here.. :) well , great life and wonderful family and friends here.. what could i asked for? perhaps, a pot of gold..... :)
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| Let Love Lead the way |
| 01.08.04 (10:04 am) [edit] |
Second album from Spice Girl.. i like the song and lyrics.. real meaningful one~ ...everytime when i was down, i would listen to this song and eventually it gives me some kind of sheer happiness...
What makes this world go round
Will the answer let her down
She is so sweet and young
And her life has just begun
What does her future hold that's the story left unknown
Will she make it through her days, let our love lead the way
Part of me laughs (ooooh)
Part of me cries
Part of me wants to question why (question why)
What good is their joy
And why is there pain (ooh)
No matter what we must go on
Just keep the faith
And let love lead the way
Everthing will work out fine
If you let love... love lead the way
Sitting there all alone
In the window of her room
Watching the world go by
Brings tears to her eyes
All she sees is hurt and pain, she wants to break the chain
She'll keep pressing everyday and she'll find her own sweet way
Part of me laughs (..me laughs)
Part of me cries (I cry)
Part of me wants to question why (wants to question why)
One day you're here (you're here)
Next youne are go (you're gone)
No matter what we must go on (I will go on)
Just keep the faith (keep your faith)
And let love lead the way (I know, I know, I know, ooh whoa..)
You can be all that and still can be who you are
You gotta know for sure that it isn't make believe
You may feel weak but you are strong
Don't you give up if...
If you keep holding on, you'll never be wrong
Just close your eyes cause it lies deep in your heart, yeah
Part of me laughs
Part of me cries (I cry)
Part of me wants to question why (question...)
One day you're here (you're here)
Next you're are go (you're gone)
No matter what we must go on (I will)
Just keep the faith
And let love lead the way (lead the way)
Everthing will work out fine
If you let love... love lead the way
Love lead the way
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| one sick day~ |
| 01.08.04 (3:24 am) [edit] |
Okie, Im sick today... and grumpy and mood swinging.:( Not in the mood, yet it never stop me from writing here :) .. well i guess it might be quite a while im not gonna update this because im moving to my new house. kinda excited yet still i dont feel like moving... :?
Umm.. went to college today. Surprisingly , i need not show my id to the guard who stood by the gate. he he he.. i guess he could recognise me.. reason : hoho~ offering him M&Ms chocolates which was given by some one in campus.. :) .. he thanked me alot yesterday~ :P .. and sometimes, when u made someone happy * not pertaining to this case*, it actually bring back you the same sense of happiness as well.. I guess i do!! do you?
Arrggggggh i dont think i do well in class assessment. perhaps i take it too easy since it is a open book test :).. hahah.. perhaps i overestimate my capabilities.. h0h0h0! in fact lots of revision is needed but... i just dont have the enthusiasm.. sad things~ but well, i'll try my best not to dissapoint my mom, dad, bro, my granny,my ex and everyone who love me and wanted the best for me :wink:
sitting beside Agus was cool, because he is quite a clumsy guy.. hehe.. and cute as well, during our test, he had his hp fell on the floor and so on.. er... it actually distract my concerntration but hell.... what concerntration do i need, since i never studied for it :p
errr.. yeah back to agus, Oh... this is really a nice chap, but poor thing, his supervisor just suxxxxxxxxx~ but this boy still manage to tolerate her attitude :) good~ good~ good~ should learn frm him more :D .. i couldnt believe that on the other day, we chat in icq.. actually i didnt talk much to him ,whether in class or icq.. because i found his typing is fast... and errrrr..... i managed to know something.. :) he he he~ well, me;myself couldnt even believe it ... if the words wasnt came from his mouth, ANYWAY, as flattering as it might be... we are still somehow classmate..good one perhaps..
shitz~ my sore throat getting worst.. probably too much of nescafe ice... :roll:.. so at the mean time, coffee consumption should be stopped temporary... :)
I was told that nikki coming back from UK today, after 1months++ with her hubby, i started to thought how is the departure scene at the Uk airport.. ho ho ho... but worries not because Bryan is coming back in May 2004.. few more months to go.. time flies dear~
hmmm shall leave for dinner now, sickening one~ but i'm left no choice. If i could have more options in my life, aint life should be reallyyyyyyyyy beautiful and complete. but nothin~ just wanna blurt out here.. cioa for now as i dont wish to being dubbed as a long winded girl at age 20 :shock:
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| Same old BRAND new Me |
| 01.07.04 (4:57 am) [edit] |
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Sleep and woke up and realised everything is over~ well let bygones be bygones, im stronger than ever ;p well.. as usual csh sent a msg to apologise. Due to his improper ways in talking to me ;p excuse me? hehehe… but I guess he should have … a tarepanda pic message wasn’t sufficient. But erm… well he made two call, one was before I fall asleep.. and one was after I woke up at 7pm. Ummm, this fella tried to bribe me with a ceiling fan .. yeah I told him once that I need a ceiling fan J but our nice friend kept saying he’s broke. So I’m not trying to be pushy. Surprisingly after some disagreement, he lowered his voice like he always did and being his nice self.. patch things up I guess.. But nah~ forget about it. I don’t keep an overnight hatred against my friends, but I just don’t understand how could some of my really really really MEAN friend, being hot and cold alternately. When they are good, they are real good. When they are MEAN, they can be real cruel.. ha ha ha… very much like me.:D But that are my good friends, I guess much better than those who only saying sweet things about me but biatchin’ me from behind. That will never be the friend that I wish to keep or maintain.. It is merely a touch N go card.. COME AND GO.. they will never stay~ and I’m determine on that.. Friendship has become an issue ever since my high school and I wouldn’t want it to bother me for the next 50years down the road. Ain’t life have more things and stuffs to bother than a friendship.. Don’t you ever have this feeling , which you feel really freak out about friendship.. the dogs and cats fight! The gossips! Conflicts and controversy! I’m tired and sick of it.. But don’t get the wrong meaning here. I don’t mean that I don’t have nice good friends here but I’m saying I try my best not to intervene with it like I used to be. All I need is a quality friends not QUANTITY~ and I will filter those friends one by one. Time will allow me to do that~ For heaven sake, I’m not a PR.. I don’t need as many friends as them.. Hmmmm~!! I guess pacifying me with some gifts or presents is as good as humiliation to me.. Oh~ so you think you gonna ‘buy’ me with your little something. Fcuk off~ that really don’t impress me much.. but anyway is that thought that counts.. at least a simple yet sincere sorry will do~ sigh.. Doesn’t matter.. like what I’m saying, tomorrow will be a brand new day. Yesterday will only lived as a history to me..
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| Never left behind~ |
| 01.07.04 (1:12 am) [edit] |
blarrrrrrrdeeeeeeful day..:shock:
Had a silly arguement with my mom... this doesnt sounds good right? but hell~ i'm still the very rebellious girl like i used to be... especially when i'm restricted ~ i tend to do things which contradicting on what others might wanted me to do... :) simply im retaliate and rebellious type of girl.. it gives me a good reason to being stubborn too :roll: ...
seriously, quite a few of my close friends said IM STUBBORN by nature.. but i'm not temperamental.. i dont get mad easily and throw all my anger at people but just i hate things which totally contradicting my own will and thoughts.. :x .. besides silly arguement with my mom , i did have some minor disagreement with csh... well, as usual, when i really need his encouragement and suport badly, he offered a cold shoulder, which can be quite a big turn off..apart from that, i guess he is one of my (rare) friend who likes underestimate my capabilities.. he always think that i'm a spendthrift..( to be frank, i am) but well, when he has his vy own mindset.. he starts to think that people like me will reach SO and SO far in my life.. chances is ... i might not be successful person.. and i HATE people looking down at me.. so i started to tell him off and asked him to think whatever that MAKES him happy.. somehow i will prove to him that he is wrong and make him feel sorry for what he had said today (abt me) ........ :evil: Despite all the discouragement and demotivated words, i will still survive.. leading my very own life .. and fight... struggle till my very best..
BUT i guess one thing that he said me correctly.. is my spending pattern.. I guess frm now on , i will be more cautious on what i will be spending on.. :) i guess i need to plan all my expenses and spending.. so i'll make that as my new year resolution. :wink: or else my live will be at a stake :p.. *exaggerating*
Saw Js today at college.. what a coincidence.. :) he's another nice yet wealthy chap who went after me previous semesters ago. But, i and he,himself knew that our friendship will be getting nowhere since he will pursue his studies in Australia... And he did~. Well he is back for summer studies (will be back to Aus next month) if i didnt heard wrongly just now. :D but it's nice to bump into some old friends after so long..hmmm... initially i had thought of accepting him as a steady .. ha ha ha! great cash,nice Benz, well-known.. who can resist? ha ha ha.. just kidd* :wink: anyway, despite those 'attractive' criteria.. i'm still remain on my no-string-attached status. NOPE~ i'm not cold bloded being who has no feeling... But life is definately more than LOVE~ after all,i'm happy being singlehood and i guess i maintain my status till the day which i really see the urge to find one :)
Boy, i'm old faggot now~ im not young.. i'm reaching 21 years old soon. Therefore, chances for me to get a nice bloke are incompetent.. i'm not young and energetic like i used to be.. and i don't cause turning heads anymore especially among younger guys.. haha...i'm now an auntie... sigh with a fat and bulging bodyshape.. sigh.. those happier and merrier moment were left only as memories behind.. :( sob*sob*...
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| to be or not to be... to see or not to see.. does it really matter? |
| 01.06.04 (9:08 am) [edit] |
naw~ i supposed to get mad on the erased blog. I just dunno why when i click publish and suddenly out of nowhere, my blog just went missing even i hit the BACK button~ :cry: .. infact i have too many things to say and write but it seemed those are not meant to publish.. that's why it was erased due to some technical errors or faults. so............................ i'm not gonna leak any words here~ since i dont have the mood to retype it again.. but doesnt matter :wink: because those thingy/stuffs are meant for personal-reading... a friend of mine told me that blog should be keep away from public reading. It's more for ownself ... ermm.. i guess he mean, after couple of years, when you read back your blog, it gives you some sense of satisfaction and contentment.. so far, i dont know how true is that but chances is my blog is hitting 16k view of time since it was established 12days ago.. i'm not bragging or self-boasting. For what i've think... is ..c'mon my blog is kinda lame and boring, it's just merely my daily routine and activities, so i'm shocked that it actually viewed more than 10times.. i guess something must be wrong with the settings or my pc problems.. BUT just to say that.. i'm flattered to see the numbers.. i mean is like. WOW~.total amazement :lol:
anyway, tummy upset.. :) hmm guess i ate the wrong foods again ;p and someone around the corner reading this might say 'deserve it'... yeah, u, f.zzzzzzz..yyy.....
talking to may, as usual, forwarded my assignment for her and normal chit chat.. hmmmmmm what a day~~ ish~ backbone still slight aching :roll: ...sigh perhaps i need Ameltz yoko yoko so badly.. :( old ppl should left to bed early.. especially when it hits 1.02AM ...but damnit.. i'm merely 20 and soon to be 21 year old.. sigh~ as we grow, the burdens, responsibility,tasks and problems also expand together with us.. Life'0' life :P
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| yesterday once more~! |
| 01.06.04 (12:33 am) [edit] |
Monday 5th December 2004.
Woke up this morning. Recalled earlier mom woke me up for breakfast but I told her I still wanted to continue my sleep :p because I knew her intention behind. She wanna drag me to the new house and do those cleaning, but my backbone was aching. Prolly yesterday, while riding on that stupid 51 bus, my spine was sprained without myself realising it. Shhhhh~ I didn’t tell my mom about it or else she might worried or nag me for another time. Well, JH sent me a sms last night, telling me that he had changed his handphone number and asked me out for a drink. Well , I rejected his invitation politely. The second sms of him mentioned that he managed to be with a friend of mine M* anonymous . Well he insisted I congratulate him and I did. I asked him to treat her nice or else I would bash him up :p . I don’t know what was his real intention for telling me all this? Maybe to show off that he has someone to love and being loved? Maybe to make me realised that my previous decision was wrong? Maybe to get me jealous? Whatever~ as far as I’m concern I’d never developed any feeling for him.. yes, the bastard is ‘loaded’ , ‘sweet-talker’, ‘look great’ and gentleman.. opssss… excuse me , I ‘d doubt it .. yeah, despite all the advantages but I made clear to him that we can only being a pet brother and sister. Still, sigh~ one thing led to another which driven me mad and crazy. He started irritated me and did stuffs which I warned him not to* .His intention is to get me angry, mad and admit defeat... and therefore, I called it off for our friendship. I see no reason to cherish our relationship, I’ve been there when he needed me as a sister and helped him in his academic as well but in return, he did things that annoyed me so much. This give me a really good excuse not to listen to his phone call all these while and last night and earlier this morning. I was sleeping and suddenly heard my phone rang. But upon looking at the familiar number, I continue to have my sweet dream. I guess it would be better to keep a distant since I have to admit I’m kind of softhearted person, such as sweet talker people like him could easily ask for forgiveness from me. That’s why I would not allowed myself to talk to him any further, and I’m quite determined on it. If it were sms, I would still consider, as sms is a monotonous message.
Well, woke up this morning to play a Chinese New Year cd for my granny. Infact , I always thought of playing a Chinese New Year song was kinda lame. Perhaps, I’m no longer a lil’ girl and I don’t see the enthusiasm and spirit. But still, it couldn’t justify that it is lame. I’m Chinese after all. Therefore, J I’m listening to it while typing this. After all one year once, so I’ll make it as exception.. to being a lamer here :p . Moving to new house next week, well kinda happy and excited but part of me still hope to reside here longer, although my new house promised a much comfortable place. But still, something that keep me thinking every now and then… I don’t know who,how,what, why and then but if the days come, I will walk off from my house I guess for good, better or best… arrrgh.. what the shitz I’m crapping about. Perhaps.. perhaps only time will prove and enlighten me.
While packing my stuff, I found something, which didn’t meant to be read. Yeah, a love letter and a printed out log. The log’s conversation was between my cousin sister and my erm….friend; K. HOW ON EARTH my cousin sis is the one who being the intermediary here? Gosh~ she must know quite a lot about my personal stuffs!!! Well, upon reading it, it gives me some sense of happiness and flattery as well. And one love letter, I guess it is the sweetest thing to receive a love letter.. recalled how K sent me 17 self composed poems. But when I got sick of those poems, I forced him to write something more special, which is the love letter and the next morning it is already delivered to my yahoo mailbox. Although it sounds like an essay more than a love letter, I tried to be considerate, as it was his very 1st time to write me a love letter. He claimed that his ex’s never required him to write one and he wouldn’t even write for them as well. But this time it is ‘exception’ case. I guess that was sweet because I’m not impressed with flower, chocolate or gift BUT simple poems or love letter would be sufficient. Anyway, those were the days. Everything must come to an end now, and I guess the letter and log need to be trashed before I move in to my new house. I guess it wouldn’t be fair for me or anyone out there to keep those stuffs with me… after all I’ve moved on. Just that sometimes when you did something, it actually struck your mind that this or that fella came across your mind. It’s just like dreaming, which you let your imagination run riot for a while but still need to wake up the next minute.
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| Life is beautiful~ |
| 01.04.04 (7:07 am) [edit] |
Tired and exhausted day.... and entire body aching. perhaps that is the symptoms of aging or osteoporosis... well, it has been quite tiresome since last nite when i attended jane birthday party ...she treated us korean bbq.. at the Wisma Pantai :lol: ..12 of us were there.. rach with her bf nic, Charlene with her bf, Dorlene with seng..numie with her cousin sister. Whereas me, june,jerem,will were the one without the partner. But doesnt matter, june was my partner of the day she insisted :) and jerem was assigned as our 'maid of the day' to bbq those foods for us...The day was well spent... We laughed,giggled,played and yelled as if we booked the entire restaurant :o Then, before we left, managed to take some pics and sang a birthday song to my jane :) heheh~
Woke up this morning, was late for a DATE~ er.. not date.. but some outing with my ex-classmate. well, our jorney to sunway pyramid wasn't a pleasant one because we almost waited for 2hours for that blarrrdddyyyyyyyyyyyy lame slowwwwwwww fcukinggggggg 51 bus... it has never improved ever since i'm in my form 5.. poor poor management , strategies... chances is 51 bus is the profit promising bus, looking at the number of passengers and frequency of the ppl riding on it.. if i were the BOSS, or at least CEO of the company... i will allocate more 51 buses instead of getting more and more frustrated for waiting for hours and took taxi instead.. I strongly recommend the managment ppl to review on their marketing strategies, because it is no longer a product... which only take 4ps (place , price, promotion and product) into consideration... NOW IS 8Ps' rulez.. which encompass the place , price, promotion and product with People, Process, Productivity & quality, and Physical Evidence...
sigh~ way to go ...... it's indeed really terrible to ride on the 51 bus especially on the evening, where traffic is building up and everyone wants to get home for dinner..yeah, that's why i was being squeezed just now but luckily there was a nice chap, whom i stood infront of him.. stood up and allowed me to take over his place :) such a sweet fella :lol:..
well riding on bus was once a good experience to me but on the other hand, it wasn't a pleasant one as well. Because somehow when i looked at a bunch of school boys and girls going in a group to pyramid, it reminded me of my failure self.. yes! none a single guy asked me out during my school days.. never! never to shopping or skating or movies...all my entire school days were spent at home reading my books (reluctantly) or chit chatting with my close girl pals over the phone. Yeah! infact i'm kinda envy those girls who managed to get a bf during their higher primary or secondary.. At least they've got someone to 'show-off' and 'flash' in front of us... :( i recalled how idiotic i was once~ occupied a friend of mine to go on a 'date'.. i end up like a ... idiot.... Walking behind a lovey dovey couple.. like an ignored child. (excuse me but allow me to say it in my vy language : s0rh@i) I HATE this kind of feeling.. it makes me inferior and lonely. THAT is the stupidiest things i' would ever do.. NEVER AGAIN~!! Don't get me wrong. i'm not trying to give my friend a hard time, to choose either me or his bf.. BUT just when you really asked someone out, it's your responsibility to take his/her feeling into account..... and try to make sure he/she don't get bored easily.. at least once in a while, crack a joke or asking her something to keep things ON.. fark~ i sounds pissed off.. but indeed im not.. :D I'm more than happier in fact.. those were the days and past...let bygones be bygones~!!! and i wouldn't want it to shadow or haunt my entire life at all.. I've move on.. and thanks god! i'm happy with my current status and life... I will be graduating in few months, best friendssss by my side 24/7 ( bk and college), nagging but lovely mom ;), loyal and devoted hengtais ... life is such a beautiful~ i promise that i will live life fullest and coolest~ being my happy and cheerful self.. no regret on whatever i'm doing :)
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| life goes on |
| 01.02.04 (9:45 pm) [edit] |
woke up today the next thing i was told by my mom was we are moving in a week time.. well for goodness sake, we gotta move in before chinese new year.. i was kinda reluctant because lots of stuffs need to pack and dump.. and worst NO internet for couple of month until i managed to apply a phone line till then.. :roll: ..listening to T.A.T.U's song : all the things she said now, and the feeling just goes wild. I wondered how exactly the feeling being a lesbo.. the excitement,joy and pleasure... saw the T.A.T.U video clip.. i guess i salute their guts to act intimate and some obscene play. WHATEVER~ i dont hate em' as much as some of my friends do.. I see no harm or wrongful act by being a lesbo there. Why must 2 person's relationship being an issue, matter, problems of the public or others? They are just like the normal human beings who seek for love and making a living.. As much as i hate others to intervene on my personal relationship, i wouldnt act as a nosy parker for others as well.. enough for now~
well, tonight and tomorrow, i might be rather busy for some outings with my friends and classmates.:? . I wouldnt call it as a 'date' due to my different belief towards the 'date' and 'appointment'... 'outing'... i reserve the name of 'date' for someone special i guess.. yeah.. tonight, i will attend a friend birthday party at somewhere in kl.. and tmr might be shopping with my klangkaki... hmmm, feel a bit guilty because my mom started to pack things up and prepared to move in to the new house BUT i still haven't touch anything yet.. ONLY clean up my wardrobe :) that's all. My mom insisted me to give out my old clothes to my distant niece..but she missed out some point here. The fact is my niece is only at her higher primary but i'm in my Uni level. So will she ever can fit in my clothes? perhaps she can swim inside my clothes.. :wink: because she's soooooo skinnyyyyyyyyyyyyy like Ling Tan..and i'm like Lydia Sum but anyway since my mother obligate me to do so.. i guess i can only obey her request... after all old things need to be trashed so i could allow new things to 'arrive' .. *opsss...direct translation from chinese phrase* :twisted:
Life indeed beautiful. yeah~ i still enjoy the perpetual consumption of coffee.. i couldnt care the outcome of the excessive coffee..at times, my hand tremble, shake or shiver, heart beat at 180km/h due to the overdose.. but i guess it wouldnt bother me until i'm 50. Health is wealth a friend has told me.. but so what?? i'm not a smoker or drinker for god sake.. so i dont see any wrong by having few cups of coffee in a day.. if coffee couldnt even to be consumed.. i guess the entire human being on earth shouldn't even smoke or drink at all because it definately do more harming than the coffee does. 8)
aiks~!! found this song frm the Hillary Duff's album [i]Metamorphosis [/i].. ....guess my 2 ling and sing sister might luv it~ :wink:
You can change your life
You can change your clothes(if you wanna)
If can change your mind
Well that's the way it goes
But I'm gonna keep your jeans
And your old black hat('Cuz I wanna)
They look good on me
You're never gonna get them back
At least not today
Not todayNot today,
'cuzIf it's over let it go and
Come tomorrow it will seem
So yesterday
So yesterday
I'm just a bird
Thats already flown away
Laugh it offLet it go and
When you wake up it will seem
So yesterday
So yesterday
Haven't you heard that I'm gonna be ok
Ha!
OkayYou can say you're bored(If you wanna)
You could act real tough(If you wanna)
You could say you're torn
But I've heard enough
Thank youYou've made my mind up for me
When you started to ignore me
You won't see a single tear
It isn't gonna happen here
At least not todayNot today
Not today, 'cuzIf it's over let it go and
Come tomorrow it will seem
So yesterday
So yesterday
I'm just a bird
Thats already flown away
Laugh it off
Let it go and
When you wake up it will seem
So yesterdaySo yesterday
Haven't you heard that I'm gonna be ok
If you're over me I'm already over you
If it's all been done
What is left to do
How can you hang upIf the line is dead
If you wanna walk out
I'm a step ahead
If you're moving onI'm already gone
If the light is off
Then it isn't on
At least not today
Not today
Not today, 'cuzIf it's over let it go and
Come tomorrow it will seem
So yesterday
So yesterday
I'm just a bird
Thats already flown away
Laugh it off
Let it go and
When you wake up it will seem
So yesterday
So yesterday
Haven't you heard you're so (yesterday)
talking to tkw over the icq.. seems nice after sometime we lost touch due to some reason. But after a while i guess things went back as usual. yeah as usual, he is being all ear when i need someone to listen.. :P regardless he is in singapore pursuing his engineering course.. ohhhhhhhh~ all my life i've known uncountable of young future engineer... but all ..errrrrmmm...... got attitude prob.. esp ... k..... :x but kw is slightly better off than others.. because he... ermmmmmm... more ..... feminine side. Don't the wrong idea.. he is a 100%normal guy but.. he definately don't possess the so called male chauvinism or egoism.. which is something great i see in a male...but 2 years in spore, he has changed much compared to last time i'd seen him.. At least he got that bloody gut to call me sakai.. ;p, which is quite true.. :lol:
urrr... i supposed to get my ad plan completed but still .. errrrr .errrrrrr stuck in the middle of nowhere...:p may God bless me... :)
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| tatu lyrics |
| 01.02.04 (10:55 am) [edit] |
[i]Inspired [/i]by my sis (SOU-BAR-SING) ~...the lesbo song :) ALL THE THINGS SHE SAID.....
All the things she said
Running through my head
All the things she said
All the things she said
Running through my head
This is not enough
I'm in serious shit, I feel totally lost
If I'm asking for help it's only because
Being with you has opened my eyes
Could I ever believe such a perfect surprise?
I keep asking myself, wondering how
I keep closing my eyes but I can't block you out
Wanna fly to a place where it's just you and me
Nobody else so we can be free
All the things she said
All the things she said
Running through my head
All the things she said
All the things she said
Running through my head
This is not enough
This is not enough
All the things she said
All the things she said
And I'm all mixed up, feeling cornered and rushed
They say it's my fault but I want her so much
Wanna fly her away where the sun and rain
Come in over my face, wash away all the shame
When they stop and stare - don't worry me
'Cause I'm feeling for her what she's feeling for me
I can try to pretend, I can try to forget
But it's driving me mad, going out of my head
Mother looking at me
Tell me what do you see?
Yes, I've lost my mind
Daddy looking at me
Will I ever be free?
Have I crossed the line?
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| 01.02.04 (6:39 am) [edit] |
Well I don’t know where I should start or how should I end up. But out of suddenly I have this urge to blurt things out. Yep, I guess I just called off a potential relationship back then. I wasn’t sure what I did was exactly right but I guess it wouldn’t go wrong for both parties. For everyone sake, I shouldn’t being blinded by the name of love once more. I know things will gradually fall in……. but before one thing might lead to another I just hope that I could forfeit all my blardee guts and feelings. There is a proverb saying ‘ You have to be cruel in order to be kind’. I guess only that is the only quote that might express my feeling now. Knowing that the relationship will get nowhere in our life, why not just holdback everything so that both of us wouldn’t hurt severely in later days. Yeah, I guess he is selfish in his way while I do have my own too. Knowing that he might continue his studies in the overseas, I see a very slim chance that we could hook up like the usual couple. Even if we do, I guess it could only survive for couple of months. But obviously I insist him to further his studies. Don’t get me wrong~ my intention here wasn’t to refrain him from pursuing his dreams but the other way round. The main problem here isn’t the distance, but the faith we have for each other. I doubt it could last, especially when you’re in a total new place, new environment, meeting new people and exploring things that you’ve never seen before. I guess I shouldn’t be the pullback reason for him to discover the whole new world once again. Therefore, I guess I made the right decision by walking away. And for the fcuking sake, I’m not pretending to be big-hearted or saint either.. merely doing the right things.. or doing things right??? Whatever~ After all love isn’t a will to possess each other. Or perhaps I’m selfish in my way. The past 2 relationships that I had, have taught me some lessons and I have enough of lust, cheat, lies, betrayal, passion, love, and hatred. I wouldn’t want to try a single bit of it even. Say that [b]I’m cruel, truthful or self-centred[/b]; BUT who doesn’t want to being in love and loving someone? But rightly or wrongly, I’m just choosing the right path and right options for us both. Knowing that he is an indecisive person in nature, I guess I should lead the way, to the correct path and choices. And also I hope that he would not do things, which could disappoint his parents and me in later days. I’ve told him several times but not too sure if he took me seriously. We have this slight disagreement which he insist he might be [i]there[/i]* one day if possible but I still hope that is the [b]last [/b]option he might opt.
For what that has occurred, hope time will heal and prove!! Memories will leave behind.
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| \ '(0_0)' / sweetpanda |
| 01.02.04 (1:31 am) [edit] |
thanks god.. the site is back for good... at first i thought it probably might take few days.. but surprisingly.. it works today :lol: .
woke up this morning at 10.30am and the next thing i know was i might be late to the klang bus stop. yep, mission for today is to bring my friend to my college for enquiries thingy since she wanted to transfer her credit to either inti college, metro or taylor.. but it seemed that Inti provide the shortest duration when it comes to exemption :wink: ... 1 year 8mths (minimum)
Under the hot sun, we both walked frm the Sri KL bus stop to Inti, then Taylor and Taylor Business School..
riding on bus was never a pleasing experience but somehow it reminded me of some weird,strange,awful,funny ,odd memories which i encountered.. Eversince some horrible case occured, my mom never really allow me to ride on a bus. So the only options are, she lends me her car or she gotta drive me there :)..that's the advantages of being a girl, youngest and only daughter... :roll:
Ok, no more crapz. yep... i was surprised that we bumped into Vasiest Kumar.. our primary classmate.. wow, he is ssssssoooooooooooooo huge and tall.. and i could imagine how tiny i am standing beside him..JUST BELOW HIS SHOULDER, FOR GOD SAKE.. but anyway he still recognized my friend.. but never me.. he struggled to recall my name but he never got me correctly.. at last, i gotta reveal my name to him, yet he still seemed lost.. or couldnt even recalled any-being by the name KY~ :oops: the reason he stated is : U Are SO tinyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy compared to the last time i'd seen you.. OHMYGAWD, i guess the last time he saw me was like standard 6...... ohmygawd.. im shrinking i guess... but i doubt he can recognized me because i wore spec during the past and being really tomboyish... which any male classmate of mine wud rather keep a distance away from me... :wink:
yep, i was supposed to make the full utilize of my blog here today for one purpose.. which is ..... cussing a friend of mine K... yah.. K,who happened to be a friend of mine.. erhmmm.. it seems we had a big arguement or DISAGREEMENT last night.. well, as usual, my cuz and desmond were the victims of the day~ as they are helpless.. but i guess, when war really started nothing could really tame my fire... esp when 3rd parties come in to give me a piece of [i]bias[/i] advices.... which i might only perceived it as somekind of shitz... :x but anyway i guess Des really hit to the point.. and for a while i really have second thought on what he had said.. perhaps i do have my fault but i wont say i'm always at the fault side.. But doesn't matter, K apologised during the very last minute to save the best for the last..sigh... infact, i'm freak out of all those arguements,debate or disagreement.. it eventually might caused our relationship to drift apart, despite how well he treated me after the arguement or before one...Despite all his weaknesses or cons, we still a rather good pal because he definately someone who can be counted on when you seek for help :) . As mad as i can be, i still insist to keep him as my close pal.. but obviously my tolerance come with limits.. just wish our friendship might last as long as it can be.. i totally cherish the friendship until the day when we really decide to call OFF everything for god sake..
tired and exhausted me really need more rest...went to my college's library this afternoon but really a doomed day for me :p.a total DISASTER~.. chances is i almost destroyed a photocopy machine at the library..but luckily managed to get help from the Uncle librarian, which i usually chit chat with him everytime i borrow some textbooks :) ... not only he never scolded me but... photocopy for me instead :lol:
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| Happy New Year 2004 |
| 01.01.04 (5:18 am) [edit] |
woke up today at 5.30pm, the next thing i know is DINNER will be served in a while. Needless to say, my mom gonna have a countdown dinner party (formal one) while leaving me and my granny here at home.. :( .. anyway doesnt matter because i'm soooooo blardee tired.. probably this is the sign of aging~ ... :? .. late nights for parties and outing, tension for my assignments, and load of stuffs indeed which i mind to mention..
went to kl tower's Modesto to countdown...with jim..er... in fact isn't an easy task for some blind which leading the blind there.. lots of U-turn needed to reach our destination.. BUT STILL managed to catch up with the final countdown.. and those fireworks..... :P .. yeah, somewhat fireworks just gave the this sense of harmony.. no matter how depressed i can be, looking at the firework somehow give me the sense of happiness...
it's like light up our life... don't agree??
well, managed to hang around for 1/2hour at the Modesto.. perhaps the ambience or surrounding doesnt fit our liking.. jim suggested flam, since his friends were already there await for his presence.. but i'm more Introvert person.. so i'm kinda reluctant to join his group....*sry jim* :shock:
anyway, we didnt ended up at FLAM.. :) but PJ A&W ... well, i guess the earn big money last night because it was full house.. well, one thing which i'm not quite impressed is ...someone poke fun on me :evil: .. i came across an A&W which the drive in 'order' does has this so-called round turning thingy... ish.. forget em'...
somewhat, i will try my best to find it out .. :D keeping my finger crossed..
supposed to countdown with another gang of pals last night but ...i didnt happened to be there.. so might as well countdown for belated one today.. sob*sob*.. im just way too tired,fatigue,exhausted,n umb,motionless.. but despite all that still i gotta grant all my promises which i made, except when i'm being forced :wink: i might give empty promise(s) instead ...lol ...
k, last but not least , to my dearest friends, here i wish you guys a happy new year and the best 0f luck in yr future undertakings... :) k should end now as i'm having second countdown party..mini one perhaps and hope it wont take too much of my time.. I need loadddddd of sleepzzzzzzz...... :roll:
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