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| what is love??????????? |
| 07.20.04 (8:05 am) [edit] |
well, ever since my doomed day on last saturday. Things
never went so smoothly, and every now and then,
i feel like a piece of sh*t. For goodness sake, i'm really exhausted and worn out because i've been working
quite hard these days, and perhaps, mentally stress up,
i feel so fatigue and sleepy easily.
But i made an attempt to update my blog here because
i've too many things to blurt out yet too little time for me to type.
Yvment called me just now to tell me how much he loves me all these while, but I never uttered any words which signify my love for him. I could understand that, he wanted to take care of me so much and so in love with me but , one thing which we really lack off is the feeling and sparkle. Besides my ex-bf, I hardly developed this feeling for any more chap. He said he really envied my boyfriend and he thanked him because my bf really made me grew up so fast. I don’t know if I were the same person like I used to be anymore but definitely , I’m not as naïve as I used to be anymore, I wanted to love myself more because there is a saying “ to love someone is to love yourself”. Yup, why I need to make my life so miserable and mess because of a guy who never took me seriously, I guess I should give myself more options and alternatives, so I could choose the Mr Right for myself. But my fate just wouldn’t arrive yet. Sigh, I didn’t know what I suppose to say about my lovelife but seriously, I think I’m somehow a loser… but I wont lose forever, there will be a there where I could find and capture my true love eternally.
Let’s keep the finger crossed.
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| what is love??????????? |
| 07.20.04 (8:05 am) [edit] |
well, ever since my doomed day on last saturday. Things
never went so smoothly, and every now and then,
i feel like a piece of sh*t. For goodness sake, i'm really exhausted and worn out because i've been working
quite hard these days, and perhaps, mentally stress up,
i feel so fatigue and sleepy easily.
But i made an attempt to update my blog here because
i've too many things to blurt out yet too little time for me to type.
Yvment called me just now to tell me how much he loves me all these while, but I never uttered any words which signify my love for him. I could understand that, he wanted to take care of me so much and so in love with me but , one thing which we really lack off is the feeling and sparkle. Besides my ex-bf, I hardly developed this feeling for any more chap. He said he really envied my boyfriend and he thanked him because my bf really made me grew up so fast. I don’t know if I were the same person like I used to be anymore but definitely , I’m not as naïve as I used to be anymore, I wanted to love myself more because there is a saying “ to love someone is to love yourself”. Yup, why I need to make my life so miserable and mess because of a guy who never took me seriously, I guess I should give myself more options and alternatives, so I could choose the Mr Right for myself. But my fate just wouldn’t arrive yet. Sigh, I didn’t know what I suppose to say about my lovelife but seriously, I think I’m somehow a loser… but I wont lose forever, there will be a there where I could find and capture my true love eternally.
Let’s keep the finger crossed.
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| Doomed day! |
| 07.18.04 (6:41 am) [edit] |
well, yesterday was a doomed day for me
My car was knocked down by a Kenari,
infact it was my negligence, because i didnt really
stop at the cross junction, sigh, this is the consequences
and the price i gotta pay. It would be the most expensive lesson i've ever bought because it nearly
cost my 'life'. The car was badly damaged yet
i am still FINE with no major injury. Just my head a bit pain as the impact was too huge.
At the moment, i really thought i might leave to heaven
to see my granny, but eventually, i managed to land on the ground and stay firm. Nothing, i didnt weep or cried
out loud, but a bit of upset to see my car damaged
severely. I know something bad gonna happened earlier
in the evening , but i kept telling myself this is merely
a false alarm and bad thought, BUT eventually
i must say here, do not underestimate ladies intuition..
Before i left my house i managed to get myself an amulet with me. Perhaps, im prepared for it.. that something bad gonna happen, that's why i never too shock or surprise when a car suddenly hit me..
But i feel the 'fear' for a moment. i mean i just put my life on a stake..
My mom totally upset and mad over me.She's always
the one who, worry abt me. but after this incident
i dont think she would allow me to drive to anywhere further than Klang or my workplace. Sigh. DOOM day..
After this incident, i come to realise many things abt my life and learn that we ONLY live once, therefore, we should make everyday the FULLEST, sigh.
i dont know what i'm saying or perhaps, im just talking cock at this no-body would even to give a FUCK blog.
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| all about me ~! |
| 07.12.04 (5:44 am) [edit] |
Truly rebellious person, who have a love-hate
relationship with everyone in my life. Nothing special though... but would like to have more friends, to share thoughts and ideas in order to improve myself. Currently invest heavily in books,
or you could say i'm just trying to kill some time here. At the age of 21, i've to struggle and begin
the journey of my life. Knowing that i'm not a perfectionist, i'm constantly trying to improve myself, but excuse me! I'm not trying to impress
or please anyone either. Merely fulfilling my
late granny's will, which is 'to lead a merry and cherry life. To treat and protect myself, as no one out there gonna treat me better than i do! ...
Of course, i can be a kind, happy, and easy going person but on the other hand, i could being a rather stuck-up and MEAN person..
despite all that, i could still have plenty of GREAT friends around me.. I guess i'm not too bad either. AM i?
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| Love is harder than IRON and STEEL |
| 07.04.04 (3:30 am) [edit] |
why is it hard to love somebody?
.. i didnt know. but to be frank, i'm a girl who has
everything under my feet but still, i feel much 'empty' inside me. Despite that i'm seeing someone special at the moment, the feeling just don't feel right?
i start having doubts whether he's the ONE for me or
maybe he's just another casanova..
all my life, i've never fall in-love so deeply with someone
but when it did occured, why on earth it's so miserable,
feeling of mixture, frustrated and BLUE sometime.
I guess he has caused some mental illness to me..
instead of making me better, he keeps making me ill and sick.. I'm so depressed..
Right at the point of my life, i'd could understand
the feeling, whereby i've treated some of my friend quite badly and gave a cold shoulder. The feeling of guilt thicken and i feel so sorry for those mean words, i've uttered intentionally. I hope somehow i was forgiven!
but, one thing i need to be clear here. That my relationship with my boyfriend is jeopardizing..
I guess i could no longer love this chap because,
he simply just meant for himself NEVER me.............
Yes! i do love him but i love myself even more to being hurt and tortured in such way. Every now and then, i feel so inferior about myself. I started to have doubts on my importance to him. Whether he do love me, as much as i love him.. I don't know!! Somehow, i shall ditch off this relationship for heaven sake. Many of my close buddies already gave me words of warning.. because they feel things progress abnormally .. :(..
At this moment, i know i can't lose him but somehow,
i know i will walk off from his life sooner or later.....
At least, i know i've tried my best to save my relationship
but to no avail. The last resort will only mean to GIVE UP.. When it's over, that's the time i shall fall in love again..
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