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| 04.12.04 (1:01 am) [edit] |
woke up today, entire body was aching. Perhaps i dance excessively last nite. Reading back my blog last night. i feel so stupid and idiotic.. especially the last few paragraphs. To which partially was true and partially isn't at all..
Drunk is all i can say, and never ever trust someone who had drunk. YES, i took many sips last nite. er... opsss. i didnt pay for it but keith and others malat paid but managed to grab some others cups and drink as i guess im doing them a big favour too. YES, those male need to drive their gf back home safely and themselves. So they couldnt take liqour that much :) but me different cos i need not to drive. That's why i could dance like mad and took every sip frm every cups.. except edie and snoopy cos their gf might not like it if i shared the cups with their bf :)
the thing i hate most there was the suffocating and stuffy smoke.. most of them dance, drink and smoke except 3 of us :) we drink, we dance but we made our vow not to smoke cos my mom will strangled me till death if she sniff that :P The night was well spent. COULDNT imagine ah heng could dance so well.. cos in class he look so timid and serious but last nite, he really had lot of funs, at a moment we almost forgotten who we really are? Just thought we are the back alley rascals cos we come with 6cars and those guys really look rudget and daring, except a few one who still wear T shirts and jeans and CAP... that's cute...
it actually came across my mind not to go to Flam cos that's the place my second ex used to hang around. But somewhat i did hope he was there for the 'madness'...
but part of me hope i wont bumped into him either cos who knows i might grab another guy for kissing scene in front of him.. Merely to go under his nerves! i didn't know why but his impact to me was strong.
not that he is super gorgeous, super rich, super smart or whatever cos few of my classmates would have already fulfill these criterias if those traits are my potential candidates. Few days back when he sms'ed me, he mentioned quite a number of stuffs which was meant for us both during the past.. Gheeez, he never forgot anything or everything about me...yet he dropped many hints and even told me that he recalled many many silly things about us...
Let bygones be bygones.Thats what i told myself, he already move forward with his new interest in life YET im still tumbled down here, doing nothing. I didnt know the reason i could still head over heel BUT i could feel that he is different from any guys i came across, at least he wont being bullied by me.. :D dont get me wrong, im not trying to hunt for MR FIERCE but MR RIGHT, others potential guys which i got to known this 2 years were always the soft spoken and tolerate towards me~! but although i appreciate it so much, i do love it being treated as 1st class citizen but gentle voice and affection wont last forever..
One of my colleague told me once, get someone who can make u laugh, respect u and love your parents as well.. I see these traits in him cos every second, he really made me laugh even with some stupid cantonese vulgar words, although some are merely a lie but the intention was to get me smile and laugh at it :) im more than happier.
Keith,Kelvin,Yvment,Sky and CS would never know how to crack jokes and make me laugh. Although i must admit i sound like getting a clown as my partner but somewhat i guess a good mixture of clown and leader will be good too. Especially when i seek for advices and opinions, he might give me constructive opinions rather than normal consoling advices like kelvin always did :(
time flies, it has been 2 years since we separated but i felt it just occured yesterday. I know i did struggled hard to accept some nice chaps which came across my life. i tried my best to accept them but seriously, i feel bad and guilty because i could not love them as much as i love my ex. As long as the love for him is still there, there will be no one who can outperform him..although to him, im pretty much nothing OR else he wouldnt have find a gf sonner than i do.
Say me stupid, silly or anything but i do not want to hurt anyone,Im upset because after so many attempt, i never succeed to shed off him frm my mind. I just dont know why. Are those poems that influential? i do not know but he was the guy which made my life miserable, borrowing him a large sum of money and someone who can wake up during the wee hours just to reply his sms or read one.. Serious shit. I guess im really useless and idiotic for having those feelings around still after 2years..
i really DO NOT know what to do..Just hope i will never fall in love again and never fall out of love again..
PEACE
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