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| Father's Day |
| 06.20.04 (1:32 am) [edit] |
well, pretty much insufficient sleep for today.
Been out since last night and came back at 2.30am in the morning and woke up at 8.30am as we need to go for breakfast with uncle's family :) A hearty meal i must say.
So we came back around 11am and i thought of having a nap due to insufficient sleep. Er, well, i guess i should sleep soundly this time, whereby i've told off a friend of mine, that i might be seeing someone really special to me and, i hinted to him that we could not see each other regularly as if nobody's business. The fact is this guy happened to be my ex-bf. Well, our stories have been the HISTORY and i clarified to him that we are no longer associated together. He was mad, pissed and angry with me because of all the sacrifices he had made, he thought he's entitled with my love. He said, he's someone which IS WAY MUCH better compared to my bf. YES, he definately got the cash, car, career and house. But this is not the criteria(s) i'm looking in a bloke. I will definately love my bf for what he is. NOT because how successful or wealthy he is? But i don't mind if he could have it.. WHO CAN RESIST a successful and wealthy guy after all, but if i were to choose, i rather choose someone which compatible with me, and able to be there for me whenever he's needed.
Part of my reason to reject this NICE -EX-bf chap is he's always busy with his business and neglected me, hardly have any time for me. He even called off few outings of us which really led to my disappointment. I think im a selfish creature, i hate it when my guy left me alone ...
Don't get me wrong, i'm not those gf who wanted to be by bf 24/7 but somehow i wanted someone who you feels " HE IS ALWAYS there".... Being with him last 3 years, at times, i felt i had no bf even due to his busy schedule. He's caring but all i wanted was some affection and attention.
He claimed that i'd been really secretive when i'm with him. Somehow i admit, yes! but, in any relationship i've commited, i'm always the one who torn between WHETHER to declare that i'm attached or single. Sometimes, i'm very afriad of people might say, i'm being with this guy or that guy because i'm going for money, or any others bad intention. i hardly wanted to make known to the public about my relationship..
Even the current guy im seeing, i guess not much of my girl friends know even my best friends in college. I'm afraid if things really MESS- UP or BROKE down at the middle of no where. The feeling of insecure. Perhaps, i'm one of those with broken family, that's why i tend to be quite pessimistic in love and relationship. I have a feeling of insecure about my partner and myself. I feel nothing will last long, and the happier i'm in a relation, the easier it jeopardizes..
I'm exhausted now, but serious, my current relation doesnt blend too well in my life either. I started to think if the problems are with me or my partner. i don't know but somehow i don't feel good like i used to. Not that i'm getting bored, but i felt he's withdrawing or lost interest in my life. He does whatever he thinks is his responsibility or obligation. WHICH in turn, i'd come up with few ideas and stuffs to irritate him back as revenge. I guess if things keep persist in such way, we could'nt really last for long. But i give all i can in order to maintain this relationship..
Since today's father day, just wish to greet my dad HAPPY Father's day.. and may him live with happy cherry and merry days.. stay in best health and best of luck in whatever he does.
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