well,  pretty much a homely person today.. Perhaps this is one of the sign of aging. I don't like to go out as often as i used to be. :). Aint this a good sign (to my mother)? Well, I supposed it has been quite sometime since i last update my blog.  Unlike those days, whereby i keep updating my blog as if my daily journal. But as i started to work, i'm having insufficient time to update or simply type down few lines in here. Laziness is another contributing factor too. 

Why on earth i'm being a loser? i dont know! At age 21, i watch my relationship at a stake, yet i never save the best for the last, I witnessed my relationship jeopardized few weeks back. You must be thinking, "what the fucking thing i'm doing?" " Aren't you supposed to sustain the relationship?".. but hey! come on, this is not merely my responsibility, this is a TWO-way relationship.  If he, never intended to upkeep the relationship, i see no point we're wasting each other's time. We have TOTALLY no commitment and faith on each other. Again and again, we are back to the square. I love him but at the same time, i hate him even greater. I know that the problem was not caused by one party but two. I must admit that i should take the blame too. By not being a 100% good girl friend, nor obedient one! So, i couldn't just come up to him and pointing finger at him, saying he should bear the fault. Hence, we never had any major arguements, or conflicts.. sounds sweet right? but the problem is much more severe than i anticipated. A couple who never argued won't progress any further in a Boy Girl relationship (BGR). I mean arguements, once in a while would foster the relationship, BUT obviously, not too many of UNHEALTHY DOGS and CATS fight.

The other day, i went to a fortune teller,okie. I was provoked by my colleague.. so i just make fun out of it. After all prediction NOT neccessarily accurate. I believe our destiny should be controlled by ourselves, not  letting our destiny to overtake our life. There is a saying :
YOU're the king of your destiny..

 What the fortune teller said abt me and 'him'. Well let's see.. i was told that, the compatibility of us both are 50/50.. but the problems arised from my side because the guy i might be looking must at least 7years senior, or divorcee, or someone which is really really stubborn by nature. I don't  know but i must agree that i like matured thinking guys, stable and reliable. Of course it would be better if he is financial independence. Hence, none of this criteria match the current guy i'm seeing. But could i give a damn or shitz abt this? i couldn't be bothered actually, but somehow i must say, i truly love him..perhaps, his selling point is " he look a bit like my father". That's why i have special fondness towards him compared to other chaps. I was told that, if i wanted to be this bloke's gf, i would have to be more patient and tolerance , as he can be a ruthless person and stubborn. That's why i need to have the patience, otherwise it would not be a peaceful relationship.

Cut those craps, but i aint too believe in such things, perhaps i can use it as a benchmark or guidance. I'm really exhausted these days. I have no time to think about my relationship despite i can sense the presence of the problems and fault. I guess i should spare more time to him and myself. If we were meant to be, nothing gonna separate us but if, we have no fate on each others, then, we shouldnt be wasting each other's time. Live gotta goes on. and let bygones be bygones.